The Victim of Myself

"Suffering is an emphasis upon all that the world has done to injure you... a dream of punishment in which the dreamer is unconscious... he sees himself attacked unjustly and by something not himself.  And he cannot escape because its source is seen outside himself." -- A Course in Miracles; Chapter 27, Section VII, 1:1, 3, 7

"Now you are being shown you can escape.  All that is needed is you look upon the problem as it is, and not the way that you have set it up." -- A Course in Miracles; Chapter 27, Section VII, 2:1-2

I've had a lot of opportunities lately to remember that there are no victims: "I am not the victim of the world I see." (ACIM Workbook 31).  But I would make one addendum... we are ALL victims of ourselves.  We are victims of our own distorted thoughts and emotions, which are projected over and over as a cast of thousands.  I am only the victim of myself.

And who exactly is this self?  It must be that this self is false, if it can project a story of a world that shifts and changes and suffers.  If I can watch my thoughts, then my thoughts must be separate from me.  If I can watch and be aware of emotions, then emotions are not me.  If I can be aware of and notice feelings in a body, then that must not be me, either.  Who is this Self who monitors and witnesses all these things?  The Self that witnesses is beyond the ephemeral thought-forms of body, thought, or emotion.  The Self that witnesses is eternal and perfect and innocent and whole... free of all limitation or judgement of any kind.  It's only when I falsely identify thoughts, emotions, or physicality as my self that I become a victim... projecting a world that is as painful as it is occasionally beautiful... a world disturbingly like a grade B movie... a world that has a seeming beginning and end and that seems to happen TO me, when all along I am the dreamer of this dream.

"The body is the central figure in the dreaming of the world.  There is no dream without it, nor does it exist without the dream in which it acts as if it were a separate person to be seen and be believed." (ACIM; Chapter 27, Section VIII, 1:1-2)  As long as I identify with a particular body, with particular thoughts, emotions, and serial adventures with other bodies, then I am victimizing myself (and that self is thankfully false... not true).  When the identification finally shifts to the larger Self, it is easily seen that none of it was ever true... and that I was only the victim of myself.

It's helpful to me to picture the true Self as the Ground of Being, like a White Board on which all the falsely identified thoughts, emotions, and stories seem to be written.  The more stories and dreams we write on the White Board, the harder it is to see that it's even there.  But as we practice forgiveness, forgiving and releasing every false identification and judgment and story (good or bad), we're erasing the White Board... and in seemingly miraculous ways we begin to remember Who We Are.  The miracle is this return to sanity, as we begin to reflect a kinder, more loving world and become a source of healing for all.

This White Board of Self, the unconditioned and eternal Self, is always pristine and perfect, always innocent and free, always loving and giving without thought or limitation.  It's natural and it's our true Home.  What's un-natural is this playing at being the victim of myself.

"The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself.  No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true.  Whoever takes the role of enemy or of attacker, still is this the truth.  Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true.  For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming.  This single lesson will set you free from suffering whatever form it takes.  The Holy Spirit will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned, regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain.  The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the single cause of all of them, no matter what their form.  And you will understand that miracles reflect this simple statement:  "I have done this thing, and this I would undo."  Salvation is a secret you have kept but from yourself.  How differently will you perceive the world when this is recognized!  When you forgive the world your guilt, you will be free of it.  This is the only secret yet to learn." -- ACIM Chapter 27, Section VIII, paragraphs 10-13.